Gothica

really been a long time

2008-05-29T11:48:00.002+08:00

Cannot believe how long it has been since i wrote my blog. However i did try to update my dairy. Those of you that wonders how i have been.. well.. i'm pretty much fine. I got involved in this year's NDP as some of you might be aware.. Been really busy with the training and all.. and of coz accompany my bf.

Recently i had quite a few activities. Lets start with my favourite and most recent. Than i'll share with you all my NDP training process.

25th may 08 National Runway cycling and Blading

To most of you, you might not be aware of this event. So, let me explain. =) *ahem! ahem!* National Runway cycling and blading is a yearly event held for all the cyclist and blading fanatics in Singapore. This year it was a 15km run on the National Airbase. The whole runway where the air craft takes off is being booked for all that attend to cycle or blade.

I went to meet my brother and my NDP friends in the mid of dawn at Eunos with my blades. *Imagine how sleepy i was since i had training the night be4 at bedok camp =.=*. We took the shuttle bus and went over.

It was my first time attending this sort of event and i am really excited. The Runway was packed with cyclist and bladers getting ready. i hop and jump like a little kid going to the amusement park. It was such a sight! So we went throught the checkpoints of army guys for search of weapons and went to one side to wear our blades while some of them get their bikes.

After a little chit-chat, we went over to the starting point. I bladed upfront to the bizarre set up at the starting point and swirl a little around it next thing i know, I got seperated from my brother and friends.

Lost, i just went on on my own hoping i will run into them. Later to find out i was about 7 km away from them. Haahaha.... so i couldn't wait for them at any checkpoints and completed the whole course on my own. It wasn't a easy course, some parts of the road was so bumpy and rough to a point i thought my leg was dead. *bladers will know the feeling of constant effect to the ankle on bumpy grounds* i really feel like i was going to fall at that path. However when i cross the finish line, i was so proud of myself for blading 15km non-stop. It is truely something i will remember for life coz you will never get second chances on this kinda experience. How often can you book at air craft runway to rollerblade? The Answer is maybe Never. I was really very glad i drag myself out of bed to attend the event.

Initally i wanted to go for a second round but i decided they should be closing in soon. Neither did i expect, they went to rest at the water point and took up to an hour to reach ever after skipping 2km =.=''' diao! haha but i really did enjoy myself.

After the exercise, we went to singapore post to have a hearty subway breakfast... yummy! but very also very costly. Ah........ i wish i was back at the runway.... so fun!

18th may o8 Fishing
Fishing trip... maybe a lot of you will go like since when ah ber fish? Well... the truth is, i don't really like fishing. On that week's friday, my bf accompanied me to do something i enjoyed. FOR ONCE! That is rollerblading at East coast. Didn't really enjoy much coz he was complaining his leg hurt and nv complete the whole course i normally do. Anyway, since he accompany me, i was obliged to stay over and go fishing with him COZ IT IS ONLY FAIR. As you can tell from my tone i am going like this-----> O.o coz relationship has nv been fair. Besides, i went fishing a million times with him and he only go blading with me once and he was bringing it up to make me obliged to go with him. Anyway, enduring my fed up emotions, i went with him to fish at seletar reservoir to fish in the hot sun. I was just really not in the mood coz he broken a few promises and did some stupid thing that piss me off as usual. So i got burn that day. fish a little. But the only part i enjoy was throwing the fish line and eating the fish we caught.

well.. there is still lots of stuff i wanna talk about... but now.. need to go toilet so next post than.. love you guys!

love

2008-02-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR GUYs! It been a while since FYP ended... sure has been a tough year.. but anyway i had a fairly alright new year.

This holiday has been a weird one for me. Hubby and me started to have a lot of fights since he went to Rosette and another guy i got to know started to woo me. But at the end, i still know in my heart i have found the love of my life and despite all hubby's tireness and disregard i still love him all the same. I am determine to make it work for hubby and me and i am ready for us to be as loving as we were at the first day. To clear my distractions i have said clearly to the guy i only love my hubby and though i hurt someone i am glad i did. he was gentleman enough to accept and be just friends.

Hubby i love you. i miss you. come back to me... i want us to be loving again.

i will always be here no matter what others say or readings say.

i will always be faithful and love you with all my heart..

i'm sorry

2008-01-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

Just have a talk with isaac after getting told off by alvin. But i guess he is right. I have been a bitch to isaac and i'm sorry.

I know i am not all that popular in school for group projects and some thinks i have my priority wrong. But as i said before everyone has their own priority and since i suck at school work, i focus more on other stuff outside and the people i care about.

I know studies are important but since my grandma(mother side) died, it has reminder me to spend time with the ones i love as much as i can so i don't need to have that regret again. That includes you guys. My friends.

So for people who think i suck as a member, i'm sorry.

i never saw the importance in being present becoz i get things done. Now i know it isn't enough.

SOrry Isaac! Really do appreciate your graciousness in taking me in. or i'll be out of school now.

i'm glad we cleared up.

Again sorry for being a bitch

stupid isaac

2008-01-08T12:36:00.000+08:00

If i don't funcking get this off my chest i will never be able to do the work. Isaac you listen up.

When i am telling you something need to be done or asking you are things done I am NOT TRYING TO PRESSURE YOU! I am NOT AGAINST YOU! i am NOT making things difficult for you! I know its not easy but i am simply telling you the thing needs to be done and asking you if the things is done so i can go to the next step of my work. i am your groupmate not your enemy! although you piss me off a lot of times with the things you say to alvin about me and the attitude you give me when i trying to clarify things, i tolerated it all down just like all the other members because i still treat you as a friend. If i wanna be ruthless i would have just shouted at your face. I cannot take your shit anymore you know. The attitude you give is like i am your enemy.

i know though you don't say it straight in my face but sometimes you talk to alvin like i am a slacker. Fine! i admit i don't do much programming but your constant changes in the documents don't make it any easier for me to do the work. Alvin and Daryl is busy and honestly you know joyce isn't much help. It isn't just changing the print screen. Joyce give me sub standard work, alvin give me his own version of work with print screens that are unclear, i had to standardize the work of everyone and edit. Strolling up and down it hurt my eyes. And now you change the rates page, i have to do the whole thing again and change all the hierarchy diagrams and re-edit the examples.

i would rather do the programming if you ask me lor! But i don't know how. You complain it isn't easy. i know it isn't, nothing is. especially when you are doing the work alone but who can you blame? you are the one who came out with the format.. if you had gone with WebA maybe we would be able to help. it's not we don't want to help but we don't know how.

I don't bloody give a damn whether or not you all give me bad reviews. Or i fail my FYP. I know i have done what i can for the group and tried to help.

I could shout at you but i didn't becoz i still treat you as a leader, a friend so i am still giving you respect and not make you lose face in front of the others. you go and think what i have said. That's all i gotta say to you.

p.s sorry guys for my language. i just freaking piss

i got a tyra banks photo

2008-01-07T14:54:00.000+08:00

Alright! Alright! i am just busy why everyone comment that i am letting my blog rot =/ (well.. maybe a little.) I don't have much to update except i am still unhappy with isaac coz sometimes he always say me till like i very slacker and thinks he is perfect. Saddens me sometime. Haiz, i just can't communicate with him.hmmm.. and i had a absolutely boring Christmas and New year. No big fancy party just me, my dar and my parents. Guess it was kinda sweet though. Sorry cara and guys.

If it interest you guys, i got a tyra banks photo. I was pretty cite this morning when i got it haha... =D those of you who are aware especially my dar, will know i love tyra a ton! God i wish i could go to her shows. Sadly i missed seeing a lot of her shows as well because i am always out.

A Question to all my pals: Do i really don't spend enough time contacting you guys and going out with you all?

i rarely hear from any of you guys actually. Anyway, this is what my brother said. He comment that i am losing my own life and spending too much time with my bf. haiz... Oh ya one more thing, i am joining the NDP this year! also quite excited. My first time trying out.

But what i am not happy about is missing my studios meeting and photoshoot. it seems zainal always come up with timing that i can't fit into. i guess thats 3rd year.

I am really just typing with whatever come to my mind.

k la.. no mood. I wanna draw.. bye bye

checking in

2007-12-10T13:44:00.000+08:00

Haven't check in to my blog for a very long time. Been really busy with business and tablestudio band meetings. I really rarely get enough sleep and miss my friends a whole load. I feel like i haven't met everyone for quite sometime. Recently, grandpa fell ill and i went over to stay but during the weekend, i had too much sleep in the afternoon and i relunctantly went out at night to yishun to find dar dar in the middle of the night. My fear turned true as granny woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't find me. I feel really guilty and i wished i had taken my stand and not leave the house.

Naturally, the one who is the happiest is my evil aunt. Some of you should know. Now she has more things to say about me. She never fails to make my life miserable. She successfully make me quarrel with mummy. Since young i nv understood what she had to gain from me getting look down at, make me feeling horrible about myself and in a whole breaking up my relationship with the ones i love. Maybe i really did some horrible things to her in my pass life. I don't want to respect her and surely want to talk back to her and bash her but she is my aunt there is nothing i can do. I pray that i won't lose my family and crack my realtionship with my mother.

My silent dad, my brother that is always in the room or out... my mum was the only one i could turn to and yet now i could not turn to her anymore. Even shi hui is moving out of the neighbourhood. At this point in time, i really want to move out of my house and rent a room with shi hui. but it will break my mum's heart and i have no stable income yet. I really can't stand argueing with mummy coz it hurts me like a needle poking me inch by inch. haiz.. i don't know what to do.. can someone help me?

ps. congrates norain.. thanks for once being in my life

man i feel good

2007-11-23T09:08:00.000+08:00

WooT!!! I just feel so great i gotta blog this out. Suppose to be talking to mr yip but apparently my group members are late. After all the Drama that has been going on at home and in school, it has finally calmed down and i have finally gained some peace.

Apart of Isaac , still being a jerk sometimes, i've really bonded with Alvin. I know when i say this some of you will be filled with disgust =x *you know who you are* but the truth is, though alvin may appear to be flirty, and tua kang, he actually do care. He sacrifies a lot for FYP and put time and effort seriously to the group. I am very happy he accepted me although stevenas and xxxx etc. said i am irresponsible.

Yes.. i do have stuff outside and sometimes i can't turn up but that does not mean it is excuses. I treat everyone truelly and when i have a reason i can't turn up.. i tell honestly. But sadly people treat me as another slacker. another "priority wrong person"just becoz i have more commitment to my job, to my friends and family. People i love. Its sad to know people you treated with your whole heart starts talking behind your back and people you think are friends really isn't. i guess it just gives me a reason that i can't trust everyone. -_-

anyway, besides that, i'm just very proud of myself. Coz yesterday i learned a whole hip hop routine on my own watching a youtube video and unlike the jackass ex of mine, i don't brag. I really don't believe all the shit he told me he does. you dance for singer ?! haha no video! you bought rain's Cd for me and poster signatured when we broke up?! where are they huh! It's always talk and no actions. So... IN YOUR FACE ASSHOLE!!!! I can break it down!!!!

Now i can dance hip hop* credits to tre tre who got me started*, am a supporting drummer of zainal's band *though i haven't really learn*, can draw my clothes design professionally *looking at other people's work is useful. INTERNET ROCKZ!!!* and am learning to do business * in case you guys don't know i'm selling a Tv hp*, i feel like a successful teenager already (n_n)v the only thing i haven't achieve is losing weight. But i believe my skills will lead me there. I love my TRUE friends. I love dar. I love you mummy, daddy, gor gor.

hopefully my life will be a beautiful one. =)

end of october

2007-11-01T01:39:00.000+08:00

Coming to the end of October le, i'm at my bf house having nothing to do except read up on XHTML. I know, i know ... i hadn't been updating my blog or been online for ages... but that doesn't mean i hadn't been updating about my life... just that its in the privacy of my diary. Well let me give you guys a little update.

For my love life. All is well and happy .. Oh Ya... Happy Birthday to jun ze again... it was yesterday.

Continueing on... on monday, i just had my presentation, and gosh.. was it a failure. After preparing so much and working our ass off phase one.. Stupid TONY NG *HonKI*

actually criticise us like our idea wasn't worth a cent.. Who does he think he is! Think easy to create all this is it!!! Bloody hell! though he does make sense.. Anyways i'm glad thats over.. Now i am enjoying my relaxation before the next charging on phase 2. Basically thats what i've been working on most of my time. Nothing really interesting strike me this october.

I missed my US trip chalet... So sorry guys... really miss you guys though..

Found a new job. .. unfortunately the bastard of my life that i was trying to wipe out works at the same building.. Tommy wanted me to quit.. but i'm not gonna let him affect me more than he already has.. besides i love my job... so hubby dun worry k.. i'll take care of myself. If he keep stalking.. i'll tell u.

The lastest interesting Thing was the Zouk halloween party... i had a blast with dar and nick. It was great having them around, especially having nick being stopped every 2 steps to have his skeleton face taken! haha! he was popular with the chicks man! weird! Being as scary as he was... *one eyebrow up =\*

and before cara you say anything.. i'm NOT the dancing queen. (>.<) It was fun.. but not advisable to go. up to 2am.. pple was still waiting to get it. and zouk was already pack as hell.. you know~ being pushed and all.. no air to breath man!

the only costume that really interest me was this girl call sky dressed up as misa. She had the total wrist-dress of the one in the comic cover.. you know~ the pointy one!!! SO COOL~~~~ didn't manage to get her number though awwww... We could have been good friends..

Whatever the case.. thats over.. so yup! this is my october.. Pretty boring huh!

nothingness

2007-10-06T20:53:00.000+08:00

Man.. i can't believe this. My whole entire bank and pocket only has $4 and of all times my Mrt card hadto become negative. Thanks to yasser, i really had nothing left. I learn never to borrow money from someone you can't trust.

Haix.. i've been trying very hard to save money to work out but nothing is goin my way. I really feel so lousy about myself i hate goin out.

well i am just here to complain.

long time no see

2007-09-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

Wow... its been a long time isn't it.. hadn't update my blog for ages. Well, What better day to give an update than the first day of school right?

So finally, the holidays have come to an end. And i must say i had the most fruitful Holiday ever. For once, my holiday wasn't filled with part-time jobs and stressing projects. It was truelly a holiday. Those that don't know where i went.. I really am getting you going aren't i? hee hee ^_^

Well.. This gorgeous holiday, i did not write any new poems or songs instead i went to San Fransico!!!! Yup! i took the school trip to US and it was FANTASTIC!!!! I get all excited just thinking of it! We went to university and Universal Studios and Also.. DIsneyland! wee~

I just simply can't believe it's over. It was like being in a new school all over. From 1st day where everyone don't know each other till We really bond as a family. I simply cannot get enough of all of them. I wished it never ended. I love all of you.

those who are interested can view the photos on my friendster or ask me for the album in erm.. 3 days maybe..

Anyway.... i hope all that went to the US trip remains contact as the Us family!

Muackz!

But of coz i am glad too to come back. Though i enjoy everything there *except their chinese food!*, i really miss my family, friends and my boyfriend. Its tough not being able to contact anyone directly without roaming.

As for the rest of my holiday, i spend it a lot with my boyfriendand my family. We went to vivo swensen for my mummy birthday ... yummy! Of coz on my birthday, Cara, the gang, my bf and me and pam went to the zoo.. We weren't as hyper as i expected but we got into mood after the spring a surprise on me at the "S'pore Durian". We played true or dare and mafia! Haha could have just did that all night.. Thanks guys!

In conclusion. This is the Best Damn Holiday ever! thanks to all of you that made it possible... Love yer all!

Disappointment

2007-08-06T13:29:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how you bond with people and get so close than get totally disappointed by them. This is the Third time i am experiencing this shit. So freaking stupid that i nv learned from my mistakes. People tell me that my poems and songs are full of negative feelings but somehow that is all the is left of me. My only blessing is that i found supportive friends and a wonderful Boyfriend. I have a roof over my fucking head and my family is fairly there for me.

In other aspects of work and studies i have been a total failure. Not because i let myself fail but i have lost my dreams. I just wanted to get a stupid diploma and get out to work and i can't achieve this little thing. Seeing my ability of programming is like an infant that has yet to stand up. I don't blame my friends for not wanting me in their group. Staying here in sp will just pull my friends down and waste my time and i don't wanna pursuit on. I have always Obliged to my parents, not wanting to let them down but it happens their daughter is just fucking stupid to study. I wanna Cry. I wanna scream but i can only scream in me. Hit the wall in me. I blame no one but myself for this result of failure. Many a times i hate myself for letting my future become a blur. My songs sings of the lonliness that can never be freed by anyone. Trapped in this mortal body i wish i nv had. Why did this happen to me Lord? What have you planned for me ahead i do not know.

The price of abandoning Christ i guess. I am full of disappointment now ... The people i have met in secondary school, poly all has been let down. I see no light at the end of this tunnel. Silly how i was filled with hope when i first stepped into Poly hoping for a new start. Nothing even changes. It's a loop in life. I only blame myself for trusting. Not protecting myself.

Life story... my Life is a movie. A Sad movie. Yes! i am pathetic for feeling sorry for myself but how can i not after being tortured in primary school for teasing that carried on to secondary school. Tried to be a mediator and end up being abandon and blamed for the quarrels, ending in the whole group of so-called friends abandoning me. Tormented mentally by irritating calls just to scold me and call me names. Tellin me the leave my only best friends alone that she "Belonged" to them. Than in poly, being caught in a biasness becoz i chosen to befriend both group and be told to "burn in hell". Yes.. i will burn in hell. To the one that said this in her nick i wish you can put me in hell. At least putting me out of my misery with people. How can i trust anyone again. Sociable and bubbly my friends describe me. What a joke. I am nothing. I always felt invisible in others presence. Why will i ever want to be happy? Why did i try so hard to make my friends in school delighted when i know i am goin to be forgotten someday. I never put myself in first place and this torment me emotionally. Pathetic. Simply pathetic.

my life is so insignificant i feel sorry for my parents for having me this burden over their old breaking backs. I never was the one to be proud of. i know. but at least they have my brother to fall back on. I wanna be alone and disappear from here but patheticly i don't even have the money to do that. Depressed sorry... the only time i feel alive is when i am working and with my bf. I tried so hard to make my parents proud, to lead a happy life but i can't i just can't.

tommy i am so grateful to have you by my side after a fucking asshole tortured and scar my life. i am sorry you have a emotionally damaged gf. to those who care. i hope you guys gets the best. i will try to lead my meaningless life to the best i can while trying not to drown myself anymore. I'm sorry everyone for letting you guys down. Norain. i miss you this friend take care.

An update

2007-06-06T15:15:00.000+08:00

Yup.. i abandoned my blog again haha.. Well.. my computer is fine but my Modem is down.. hahaha how ironic... anyways, this few weeks hasn't been much. A lot of assignments are piling in and i am up to my neck with stress.... As for my most recent update is ... i lost my phone on monday.. haiz.. apparently i was dumb enough to leave my phone unguarded in the toilet. Blur me .. haiz..

whichever girl that took my phone is obviously not the honest type. She off it and nv reported it. I did try to get the teachers to check the camera but they refused cause they say the toilet don't have... Which is a pack of shit becoz i saw one outside! the thing that makes me most angry is that when imy mmwd teacher said :"it's sad to know there are thief in our school" the office lady actually say: "not thief la! Finders keepers ma.. you left your phone unguard. temptation! you can't blame them " Like WTF!!!!!

Thief is Thief there is no excuse. you leave your house door open does not mean pple have the rights to go in and take your stuff. Taking without permission is stealing! Haiz.. i always returned the phone i found but i guess kindness does not always get repaid. Insensitive bitch that took my phone! I hope she lost her's and let me find it. And when i return it to her. she is goin to get fucked and become damn guilty! *As if that will ever happen* I just miss my phone so much becoz i have my only ah ma's photo inside and my friend's pic also. not mentioning all the songs i took so long to collect from my friends. and the one month i took to earn that money. I nv fell so in love with a phone before. It was the perfect phone for me. Sony 750i. Though it was second hand haiz..

Settling Nick's bill, VCD late return kanna fine, ELIT no time do, Gor and Song quarrel and now this. i just cannot fall any lower in luck. Heartaches pounce just thinking about it.. my phone~~~~~~~
*cry..sob sob* *wipe tears..*

K Lets talk about happier stuff.. i went to watch Shrek 3 on 1st of june. So fun. it was really funny though i didn't watch shrek 2.

Anyone who nv watch it definitely should catch it.

hmmm.... i watch pirates of the carribean already, shreck 3 already... next stop fantastic 4! transformers! Harry potter!!!!! Wah!!!! can really become broke... oh well.. might as well.. Nagging Rj still ask me organise KTV.. i not even sure if got money -.-''' ... but i do misss, rj, monique, joo, jack ,chungkit and especially alan! hope to see them soon..

k gotta abandon blog again.. coz exams coming will try and update as soon as my modem is up.. hee =p lazy me signning off!

dream

2007-05-21T08:57:00.000+08:00

Woke up remembering a weird dream with tears flowing from my eyes. I mean its weird cause it happened so long ago.. but i guess it just remindered me of how it hurts.

This is what i dreamt..

Cara and i went into a classroom full of artworks in our poly apparrarently, and was walking around waiting for Dong Jin, Samantha, and Ade.. When Suddenly Yap Meng Step in. *This Alll has no link DJ, Ade , Sam is our sec school frenx* He started to pour in Sacastic words and was driving me nuts. Than Alvin came and and told us to scram... We started argueing and it felt like the club confrontation. Even in my Dreams, it just hurt a l0t. I started Crying Not knowing The Real alvin and having to argue like that.. i used to be able to talk to yap meng and stuff, but it just let me down when the misunderstanding happened. What an Ass he was being.. how the club was putting us in the spot, what nasty stuff out so call "frenz", people we were really close to were saying... asking us to burn in hell, get the hell back to zacf.. it was just painful.

So We left and the next thing i remember i turned up at home, in bed crying.. Than Alvin called to see if i am ok.. sometimes its just typical of him to do things like that.. Than he told me that i was too selfish to go to zacf chalet and not go camp thats why he turned out nasty with yap meng whenever we meet after the camp.... I was trying to explain but i gave up.. saying " Forget it You won't understand. Just let me lead my life as it is now.. without club and happy... i just don't see the real you.. I guess i was dumb to enough to like you last time" *eh it's a dream?!* than he was shock.. ask when and stuff... i hung up.. than i woke up with a aching heart..

i guess a small part of it still hangs on.. Cara and i had always put in so much in the club.. and not being in it.. well.. i still feel left out though i now have my group of fantastic frenx... it just ain't the same... the hurt is real.. but the memories i will always treasure for the short few months.. i still miss them.. i still miss him.. wondering how he is.. wondering what the club is doing and how r they managing.. miss the old cherokee.. the old mates thats nv turned nasty.... dumb =/

*a smile* i gotta go now to prepare for work.. this is my dumb dream

troubles

2007-05-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

A lot has happen.. I got myself in debt of 300+ to singtel because i cancelled a line i signed for my ex.. haiz.. dun really know how to settle.. have been pretty down.. but now i am alright le..

i even broke down in school when my WebA isn't working and teacher refuse to help *!@#$%^&* thank god i got siling and cara to help me.. So i guess i am pretty irritable now a days.. DUN MESS WITH ME! haha

hmmm so just a update.. Today i went joggin with Daryl, issacc.. and as usual i got some very irritating reactions.. I mean like whats so amusing that i jog???? !!!

Now i must Clear up... PEOPLE LISTEN UP! I do Sports a lot...i know i am a huge girl but i love sports... I play basketball, blade a lot*have my own blades too*, like to jog and ice skate and swim... so dun be so amused next time.. its nothing to be amused about..

hmm other than that nothing much.. except my dad is angry with me for being useless* as he says* for i nv settle with my ex quickly.. he hadn't spoke to me.. haiz..

update done!

ps: i'm happy you are happy now dear * u know who u r* =)

GoALS of the year
- earn a lot, settle the debt
- do well in my studies *tough one*
- lead a peaceful life
- get together with my frenx again.. esp: RJ, Ber, Tre, jing wei, boo boo
- let my mum be happy
- Jog more often
- go blading once every 3 weeks... GOD i miss those days *haiz thanks to working*
- visit my Granny more often
- have a blast on this yr's birthday!

stardom

2007-05-09T13:17:00.000+08:00

StarDOm

An ordinary Boy... Turn to a star..
Spark with talent, spread like a fire.
He twist and Turn, Surrounded by fans.
Girls adore him! One stare content...
turned popular overnight..
Highly wanted, Demand on high...

Central of attention wherever he goes..
Others faded into the shadow..
Than he Started to mix around..
Making new friends as he click about..
Old Friends forgotten.. left behind...
A new Life he couldn't fight..

what happen to the once humble boy?
that sat by the sea and sang all night..
what happen to the boy that once was concern..
of this little old me.. when i'm scald and burn?

What happen to the boy that once i chat to..
encourage his Goals and made promises to?
What happen to my once good friend..
who said that he will always be there?

this promise made to nv forget...
was taken away as the sun swap...
rain storms pour as i see you rise..
it is true that fame ends the old life...

p.s This is written when i saw a friend rise in fame and we drew apart.. Though i am and always will be happy for him... this is dedicated to our old memories.. i know he won't read my blog.. but he'll always be my buddy and i'll always hope the best for him no matter what.. =) take care my friend.

My new poem

2007-04-27T09:35:00.000+08:00

Transport Behaviour
Getting on the four wheels, going to school
Tucking and Pulling, push my way through.
Browsing and turning looking for seats...
But somehow they just WON'T MOVE IN!

Using my eyes i try to clue..
"Please move in" as my eyes grew..
with the same look she told me this..
"No way! no how! this's my seat!
i am tire i deserve this..."
holding to two seats though i need one.
cling to your handles , cling on tight.
stand in your position, you're declined!"

irritated.. the next day..
i decide to take the train instead..
thought it'll be better but deeply wrong..
stuck at the entrance, face on door..
no room to wiver, smell or lift.
everyone is jammed.. no one moves..
refusal to move in, they don't know how cruel.

Center of cabin, spink and spank..
learning one thing..
hopeless in deapth..

ps: Singaporeans are just horrible.. this poem is definitely inspired by our fellow singaporeans while taking transport..

i miss my blog!!!!

2007-04-19T16:41:00.000+08:00

WOWWWWWW COMPUTER!!!!! Yup! i'm acting like an idiot becauze my DUMB Brother haven't fix my computer and it's such a privilage for me to use the computer. ROARRRRRRRRRRR ... Thank God for School!

I have really became a frog in a well since i stop using my com. Gratefully i did ran into my online frenz so we can keep in contact. As for my holidays.. it hasn't been much fun. Its been Work ..... than watch VCD ... than work... than watch VCD. My only pleasure... Occassionally i will appear with Cara and the rest of the school gang.. but mostly i am working..

So to those to hasn't since me in ages! I HAVE CAME OUT OF MY SHELL!!!! WEEEE.... lol (n_n)v like kid sia.. haha

Any way.. yesterday went out with Louis , Wee siong and Cara.. 3 canceria.. 3 siao one =x hahaha it was a lot of fun although all we did was play arcade(as usual...*duh!*) and seat around talking. Thats the beauty of friendship i guess.. Just being together seems to create the perfect moment.

There'll be some poems i worked on goin on soon.. so wait up!

k gotta go... having lesson! Love yer all!

ps. saw the school calendar.. birthday fall on holiday... anyone wanna help me organise chalet?

enough emo

2007-02-05T20:17:00.000+08:00

Ok.. just checked my tag board.. someone say i emo .. so enough of my emo days....

Just finished my programming paper and my opsy paper... two heavy stones on my heart are finally gone.. i am not sure if i did well.. actually i kinda blanked out.. but since the last paper is coming... WHO CARES!!!! hahaha there is so much i wanna do..

I want to club, Meet up with ade, dong jin, kwang yee , mao mao, i want to jog, i want to work... it justs goes on and on...
Lets enjoy ourselves people....

ps. Thanks guys.. for attending to my emo and bullshit.. i really appreciate it.. love yer all.. MUACKZ!!!

break the peace

2007-02-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

Why do you hurt me again?
Why do you break this peace?
As i study and try to concentrate and enjoy my new life,
You come back again.
I am alright with your presence but why do you have to do this?
Your new relationship is not my concern..
Using my pain you traunt me...
Asking me what to do with this girl that loves you...
Testing my emotions by calling me baby..
Than you hurt me by telling me i made you lose faith..
say you will accept her as I WISHED ..
Say when you accept her you can't contact me but you want to..
What are you doing to me?
What do you want from me?
Is my tears happiness to you?
Why taunt me this way?
Let me be..
Leave me alone..
let me cry no more

Heart broken

2007-02-01T23:46:00.000+08:00

Today after i flunk my isns paper, i went out with louis and cara and some other guys from louie's class.. all short shot and super ke ai... they are very nice and i am glad i know them .. anyway, these guys really can rock bugis... they shop the whole day there and wasn't a bit exhausted.. but me? my leg was aching as hell. I got some stuff too.. a gothic shirt and some plain colored t-shirts.. typical me.

After we accompany jie(one of louis's frenz) to buy his converse shoes at suntec and hang about a little while.. i parted ways with them... the walk to the esplanade bus stop was a long and hard one.. as i pass through every single street i thought of him again.. smoking my ciggerate, i waited for the crowded bus to reach my stop. Finally, it came.. i got on ... like a wandering soul with no aim.. sat down and just stared as the bus went by places and places filled with memories.. With a real break up, it happens.. Normal i guess. i reached my block, threw Away my 6 last ciggerate and decided not to think too much.. just rest.... than he msged me...

"the things i returned u bound back from the mail.. will return u by someone else.. " dadadada.... things that we have been through before... but now, i don't explain, i don't argue, i just let it be... piercing as your words are to me... my tears do not matter.. maybe to you , i left you for no reason.. i don't blame you.. you can't understand.. and listing it down for you.. i just can't do that anymore. so i chose acceptance.. whatever you told me... i wish you the best... hope she will treat you right and don't give you as much problem as me..

you can't trust me becoz i told you i still love you when we broke up... but i wasn't lying.. God knows that.. i don't have to explain myself to you for you to understand anymore.. i just need you to be happy and move on... maybe to you the only way of loving someone is to be with him/her.. but i have chose different.. i chose to love you by leaving you so we will both be less painful..

sick and tire

2007-01-31T20:38:00.000+08:00

your last sentence hit me so hard .. "ber if a person did something wrong when he is alive, it does not mean that he is condemn for life. " than you hanged up.

you always hung up on me.. than you will try to call me again.. when have i condemn you? i never did.. i always just loved you and gave you my all... i was still hoping we will be together... but with this sentence.. i end our relationship...

you never know how much the things you do and said hurt me... this pain will never be erase... no matter what you do or say.

You took away my hopes for love, my youth and my innocence for life. these are some things that you can never return me. I thank you for the happy times... i never wanted us to end this way.. but since you can never truelly understand me..than i guess i can only wish you the best.. i can no longer advice you le..

i can only wish you wont mess up your life..

2nd post

2007-01-29T18:03:00.000+08:00

I really am very moodless now.. i can't think straight... only remembering your tone in the sms... i wanna cry.. i wanna hit something.. i wanna study!!! i can't i can't do anything ! and the most sickening thing is i can't get angry with you. i'm sad... i'm in pain that you can't see all this.. you don't see how hard it is for me.

Slamming

2007-01-29T17:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday you told me i always misunderstood your meanings.. say maybe we were really not meant to be... i grow sad and hurt as you started to act everything is ok. Peircing my heart each time you mention i dump you. So now i am friends with you. I respect that you don't wanna lose contact with me although i really want some cool down period from you.

I try to act normally.
Seeing if you had really changed, seeing if you have becoming a bit more mature and sensible. It pains me so much to contact you as a friend because you always say hurtful words without knowing and i can't blame you. I kept quiet coz i still care. You ask me awkward qn like "do you still love me" i answer you honestly though it hurts . Now even when we are not attached anymore.. i am still getting hurt.

you say you've changed so whats with the sensitivity?

I was just studying and you say i am cold to you. What do you want from me! i don't know!!!

i never knew from a start..

one moment you are all cheery and nice, next you are vunerable and sensitive...

i am no longer your GF i don't wanna argue with you. i don't wanna console you and act like we are attached. I am trying to recover but its getting harder every moment. When you act this way.. all the more its hard for me.

What do you expect from me? i am human! i have emotions... can't i have my right to wanna protect myself a bit when i am already giving in to you most of the time? just a bit of distance for now... what do you want? what must i do? i hate this feeling! i hate that i have to answer and satisfy you when i did all i can... i really don't know our future.. i can't concentrate.. i wanna just get away but i can't ... this just suckx and no one is here to comfort me. .. you said you are alone..

but u know what... it is even harder for me becoz i have to carry a smile so i won't hurt my friends and i don't wanna smile!

i am not ok!

i wasn't ok ever since we broke up!

ever since i realise i can't go on!

i am answerable to everyone ard me. but you are only answerable to yourself. So if you can't deal with it! what makes you think i can! i wanna scream! i am breaking down and nobody can help me.. becoz its my emotions!

Lost my Smiles

2007-01-27T20:41:00.000+08:00

i know i should be studying, concentrating right now..
but somehow i can't.
I have a loving family, and caring friends
but somehow i'm not happy.
I have a whole world and all things i need
but somehow i'm not contented.

Thinking of you every single moment.
Wishing to hug you and clear your tears.
Wipe our past and have a new start.
but i can't, i can't do that.

Emotional pains hit me once and again.
Memories flood me all times and pain.
its no longer working..
i have no love to gain..
i feel meaningless and no one is to blame.

i brought this upon my own coz i was weak.
i made you hurt and incomplete.
but how do i carry on when ur life depends on me?
stressed up and painful, i chosen to leap.
leap away from this hurtful cliff.

telling me is time. its time to leave.
still care about you. i'm incomplete.
can't contact you coz i'll become weak.
weak to your warmth your care and your love.
weak to reject you again like at first.
i can't pin to you and help you up.
i can only wish that you don't give up.

Don't give up to your bright future.
find a girl that will love you better.
find a life that wad u truelly deserving.
i lose my smiles so you can be.
a stronger person dependin on himself.
learning each step as you grow up.

silent prayers not to be heard.
forgive me for the lies i've given.
that made you despair to all in the world.
it isn't easy to me either...
given a hug i try not to give back.
at heart it pierces like hit on a nail stack.
i turn my back and walk away.
flooding in tears and this will stay.

The lovers

2007-01-25T10:16:00.000+08:00

The lovers
You once asked me am I toying with your heart,
You should know better I was right there from the start.
Giving you everything I ever got.
Simply do not know how to please you a lot.
Ever so unhappy and worry a lot.

Is it me? Or heaven’s regards?
To put me through agony, and pain.
Memories resounding in my head.
Heart feel spikes but I let go instead.

No longer longing for a change to come.
Given you cruelty so we can move on.
You beg me back but I defer.
Not because I hate you, I’m not ensured.
We’ll hurt again like the last time we hurt.

Don’t wanna toy with you as you like last time you said I did.
A clear cut that cut through you and me.
Empty promises I made that can never set me free.
I apologize that I can’t be there.
I’m weak and I can’t take all this anymore.
You know that I have tried everything I can.
Can’t offer anything, do not know how much I can stand.

“Be strong now” I’ve always said.
All the more I will think of this, as I cry till I’m red.
I won’t be there any longer
To nag and pray..
In silence I put my mask and suffer this pain.
Do not know how long I’ll be hurting.
Three months of happiness, I’m not deserving..

Be strong now. My once lover.
Hope you’ll soon find another.
Someone who truly can take your temper.
Love you with all her heart and make you ensured.
Treat you better and take care of you.
And you’ll love her like she do

24/1/07

27 nov and 28 nov

2006-11-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

27 Nov...
ISNS practical was cancelled so i decided to go to my boyfriend house to spend some time with him before i go to school.. well.. had to.. coz i needed to accompany cara go talentime.. you know.. balancing friend and boyfriend?! So anyways i bought breakfast for him... Mac.. than went to his house eat.. nothing special...just slack around.. than he accompany me go to school .... than wait for that woman lor.. she late!!! haha actually normally i'm the late one la.. so nvm hee hee =p

Lessons went by as usual.. just a bit sucky coz the break is WAYYYYY TOOOO LONGGGG.. we went to the foodcourt 6 to have lunch *sickening louie make faces behind me! ROAR!!!!* than headed to lab, coz muhaha *AKA si ling* and cara wanna print stuff... than no where to go .. so headed back to FC6 to pass time while muahaha go do project *Wahhhh stresss she so hardworking (>.<) * And guess who we bump into... The ever cute jia xian and Mr pon tann king Geok leong haha... While they eat.. We bump into felix... as usual he criticise my gloves *arghhhhh.. whatever man! i love my own style* than Jia xian and him started talking about girls.. AS USUAL! Really is yi pi lang lor *FYI: a pack of wolves.. the nick we gave them* Felix than nag us go class... unwillingly i drag myself to DSAL practical... but this time different! i can finish before time! and i actually get what i'm doing!!! woo hoo!!! so happily.. Cara and i headed to Talentime.. wahhh really flooded with memories... all the participating groups and pple were great! it was so hard to make a choice.. In all it was more of a group competition.. except for james also known as DMAT stredder... he got in second "so ke ai lor him..al the small actions haha".. a bit sad though faliq the last yr winner.. his dance grp got first AGAIN... they were good la.. but second performance a bit sian coz dance steps same same.. third was Andre and melissa singing voodoo's Iris.. very good performance.. great voices.. nv expect our school's "johnny depp" sang so well.. =x overall i really enjoyed myself... p.s : joshua, yuwen, zul, and all other club friends especially cherokee members.. thanks for all the memories.. i love u all even though we r not so close now. u guys will always be precious to me 28nov..
nothing much today... went for 1 lesson only -.- than went home to change and go bf house...got into a bit of picker about some stuff with him.. basket.. everytime do stuff to me.. dun get pissed u thought i wont angry! than go watch COLIC with my Bf, jun ze, cara, guan chuan, isacc....

silly isacc blur blur go Plaze Singapura when we watching atCineleisure =.= tell him cine.. he tot cinema... really is sleeping...

other than that.. nothing lor.. now at ah ma house blogging.. COLIC wasn't too bad.. quite nice..
hmmm met a unreasonable obasah on the bus back arghhh!!!! dun wanna talk about it.. k... gotta run.. bye!!!

ps: love all of you for being so onx and mixing with my Bf well .. it really means a lot

hi again blog

2006-11-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

WAH......... Really dunno how many donkey months never update le..hee hee =p

ya.. i know.. Cara saying that i must as well terminate my blog haha.. Cara!!!! update le ok!!!! no termination!!!

well.. Today was a really boring day.. actually i have a couple of stuff i need to do for school but very lazy.. so Fuck it man.. i rather switch on my collecting dust computer and update my blog..

i havent had much inspiration lately for poems... Which is really bad!!! coz than i cannot blog them.. but good in a way becoz this means i havent been thinking too much...
hmm.. got a couple which is very private emotions so i shall not disclose them hope u guys don't mind..

For those who has been wondering where i had been.. here are a couple of reasons why i haven't been updating my blog..

Number 1: Obviously! i nv on my computer to online..
Number 2: I got Attached so been a bit caught up..
Number 3: Stupid e-learning week.. MST and of coz projects!
Number 4: Always go out till very late with BF and also with friends.. so come back just be pig..

Life for me during this 1 month plus has been bizarre i guess..

1. My Boyfriend,*Intro to you people* Nicholas, came out from nowhere...
He is a very sensitive guy.. but he is a good bf.. although he makes me cry a lot.. haha but jie will put justice to that la hor.. haha.. ADE hor..

2. A few weeks ago before test.. Cara and me have been meeting Ade a lot.. which we don't normally do.. till the gang meets up.. (T_T) i miss judo club~

3. have been hanging out with jackson, jun ze they all a lot =/ weird!

4. Arcade! Arcade! and more Arcade!!! *so bloody broke lor ='(*
BTW, Cara i discover new place with 2 hotd4 machine =DD

5. Family gatherings ? O.o

6. started to talk to louie again ..*thank you Lord =]* but no courage to ask him out =/

7. go East coast Relax.. haven done that in ages...

8. *here is the ultimate shock!!!* Meet Norain and Nicky!!!! (O.O)

hmm so thats basically what's going on la.. i do miss everyone(monique bunch, alan, dom, yg, zacf, brandon etc.).. and wanna hang out.. so guys!!! call me arrange ok!!! love yer all

the mole

2006-10-15T14:04:00.000+08:00

went out with louis yesterday.. at first my mood was fantastic.. dressed up .. went to fix my phone.. all happy and hyper.. than i meet up with cara.. she told me she just had this feeling that it won't be the same.. so being positive... i tell her don't think too much..

when louis came.. he had a glum face.. he didn't wanna talk.. throughout the day he spoke very little.. not a single smile.. so i thought:"why don't we go first.. he need some time to think over.. maybe he has some problems and need to go over it himself..i am not gonna interrupt him again making the same mistakes over" so we did.. we left him alone.. msg him and told him the reason i did that and that we love him..

Failed! I totally Failed as a friend.. After reading his blog i know there is no turning back.. sorry louis.. i Failed.. failed so terribly..

i thought you will give our friendship a chance.. i thought you will understand that no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and deserves a chance.. i tried to put the broken pieces together.. i thought it will be ok... but we don't exist in your life story anymore..

all night .. i tried to erase this horrible feeling with dom and YG.. having dom there helped...but when i was left in the bus alone to go home.. i cried again.. images of hurting myself appeared again and i know i can't do them.. This is tearing me apart..

it's time! i will let it end... may you find yourself a new home that makes no mistakes..

Caring too much, brings too much pain.. too much

sins can't be erase not even with death..Sorry lord.. but i do not have the will to live
if you may.. take me away.. i've been through enough.. at work at home at heart.. stop playing me please!!!! i beg you!!!!

update

2006-10-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

It is wednesday again.. mid week .. hee hee so let me do some updating..

Recently, there has been a better change...well.. except for the part of Relationship i guess..

On Sunday, cara and me went to west mall to get some clothing.. she bought a skirt and i bought a shirt.. our cool gothic style as usual.. nothing much.. after that .. we went over to dhoby gaut to play House of the dead 4 my new fetish.. Fantastic game! i sucked as usual.. but i had fun.. We than headed down to bugis to meet tommy and chee seng.. NOT GINSENG LA CARA! haha Anyway as mentioned in cara's blog.. chee seng look tons like slyvester sim.. weird world huh.. a lot of clogs here and there.. Do you know that actually there is 3 person that look like you in this world? ok.. getting back, While we went to bugis had burger king for lunch.. the guys were pretty quiet as usual.. but i guess the outing was ok.. A lot of playing Arcade and watching rob-b-hood.. not a bad movie.. Hmm.. well.. as expected , of coz i missed louie while in bugis.. flooded with memories ma.. it was an alright outing.. hmm but somehow something felt different and i was about to find out what that was..

On Monday, well.. monday.. it kinda sucked...ISNS lecture was a little quiet without felix.. but it was kinda nice to see james in there.. I never thought that i will miss that dude but i guess he did added a little buddle of joy to our life.. his laughter and the noise he makes.. I will definitely miss him when he quit school .. *this is the part where you go awwww* haha.. =p

moving on... during DSAL, teacher was giving us a hard time.. it was a tough question man.. i was really startin to miss joel's teaching.. haiz.. blame myself skip his lesson and couldnt catch up lor.. haizzzzz.. During class however, I did enjoy myself as we joke around with Jia xian and Ceed.. especially ceed.. haha we got him a new nickname meow meow.. becoz he was super neow with the details of the practical..

hmmm.. was kinda disappointed as i went home.. coz dom had family stuff and couldn't meet me.. miss that idiot man.. but the most amazing thing happen to me on my way home..

This guy on the bus, cute one ok! haha He spoke with a english accent and he looked very athlectic.. He suddenly approach me just a few stops before my stop and spoke to me.. i was in shock and flattered .. apparently he stays around my neighbourhood.. very polite guy call han.. we didn't exchange number but promise the next time we catch each other on the bus we will ..

i told cara and tommy abt it.. and i got another shock.. just casual talk.. but suddenly he asked me to be his GF .. like Dots la! i mean he is very nice.. but i know him not long lor.. -.- sorry Tommy.. i never expect anyone to fall so hard and strong.. i like you BUT as a friend.. i seriously don't think its a good idea.. you are still young, you don't understand love yet.. it may be just a crush ..let time tell..

in terms of relationship i do not know.. I know i am not in condition for relattionships.. but somehow trying to let HIM go is hard.. how i like him was dumb but i do like him.. i don't know .. really don't know.. He is so cold now.. not reachable.. and i once thought we may have a chance.. just to be frenx.. i just wanna know him as a friend but it was a dream i guess

ON Tuesday, hmm good news i guess.. spoke to louie finally.. hmm we haven't quite let go and i don't know what will happen of us.. but i guess for now i am just happy we are friends again..
another highlight is... i deleted Chee ho from my friend list! somehow this guy thinks he is too good to be my friend ... my msg by doin this: i don't enjoy tryin to befriend stuck up jerks either..

And GOSH LA!!!! on Saturday i had a total mix up! i realise only on tuesday.. zzz. ... so sotong! Jin was not the one that ask me out on Saturday.. it was jeff! i blur sotong tot it was jin.. so happy coz he had nv been so friendly ask me go out for movie *at least that was wad i tot* lucky jeff not free or else i will be blur blur looking for jin at westmall for movie (-.-) sorry jin.. for the mix up

Today! hmm.. nothing much just a regular school day.... Really enjoyed my Gem lesson and i pon OPSY go play HOTD4 hee.. kanna scolding.. stupid opsy teacher call me and lecture me .. but than who cares! -.- yup.. than we went to NYDC slack.. wah.. feels like ages since i step in there .. kinda misss the old crew, Twohill, Fake mat, the MAt.. Ken... oh well i guess all good things have to come to an end..

well ... thats my update =) stay happy people!

Msg especially for brandon: You are a bundle of joy truelly.. really like bumping to you in school =)

his blog

2006-10-07T17:43:00.000+08:00

i shouldn't be doing this to myself.. but still i went to see his blog..

i guess i couldn't really concentrate on studying.. don't know how you guys do it.. going on with your life like that.. i guess i am the weaker one..

i am trying to stop crying, trying to go back to my old life before you came in.. i don't know how i am goin to do it..but i will.. some things i never told you guys but i was most true to myself when i am with you two.. you guys are pillars that really held me up when i had problems in my family.. when God took away people precious to me.. now you are gone and half my world crash down.. i have to hold it up on my own now..

i just wanna say... you said you will be strong and i wish you really will ..

not the same person.. well.. i can see that as blury as my eyes have become..

i will not bother you again.. i will not cry over you very soon.. i wish you a good life.. even without us..

even without you.. i too.. wish i could have a good life too.. at least i will try.. trying now.. and even if i'm gone.. years down the road or maybe just moments away.... i will never forget you.. i guess its acceptance i'm trying to achieve .. not forgetting.. cause i won't bear .. memories are all i have of you.. good bye my friend.. don't know if this will reach you.. but its all i can do now.. going everywhere i'm reminded of you.. i am still trying to look for the courage to go out to tthe places we went to.... i'll miss you

smile from your heart... don't hide yourself from the ones who wants to be there for you.. i'm trying to do that too

my heart is cold

2006-10-07T14:35:00.000+08:00

Suppose to be studying.. suppose to be completing my practical. Due to the incident.. i have been lagging behind so much in my studies.. just can't push myself to be strong.. to act like nothing happened..

Spoke to cara a moment ago .. Matt told her
"he is sorry.. he did not see her at the musical.. ask her transfer to his pay to his account.. "
simple 17 words..
yet.. we are so hurt by it..
I cried again after a hanging up the phone..
my heart is so cold..
with every tear drop, another stab on my heart..

how did we come to this..
Our concern was a sin..
our friendship was one sided..
does it worth nothing to you?
it is only worth like that..
chosen to ended it like that..

We looked at each other, than you just turned away...
We came to the front of you and you chose to leave..
We chose to give you time..
We choose to believe we will be fine after a while, but you chose to end it..

What should i be feeling?
i don't know..
repeating pain..
i never knew it will be like that..
i never knew it will affect me like that..
i see someone i do not recognise in the mirror..

Why.. why... why..
Friends tolD me don't hurt myself..
said i do it on good intentions..
yet... i feel its my fault..
yet i feel like my heart has die...
yet the pain physically feels like nothing at all..

Remembering the things we did for your bday..
Remembering your smile and aweward face..
Remembering sitting there talking to you as we graze at the water
Remembering We were going to write lyric together for a song..
Remembering laughing and eating ice together
Remembering you playing with moriji
Remembering wrapping your bunny
Remembering hugging it and sleeping in the train
Remembering you guys bothering me to go ice skating
Remembering.. Remembering.. All the memories..
History as time has call it..
As you have seen it..

it was worth so little ..
but i hurt so bad..
treasuring someone never been so painful for me..

God can you stop playing me with the friends i love?
can you turn back time and give us back the him we know?

i no longer recognise the person i stare at as i look into his eyes..
Like a stranger..
Like a aquaintance..
Like we are his enemy..... like.. i don't know what to say
I don't wanna give up..
like deep in him there is a part of him that still loves us
but what can i do? He has chosen to bury it

stained with tears.. my eyes can never be clear again

Musical

2006-10-07T00:43:00.000+08:00

Went to watch the SP musical today.. pon OPSY today.. well.. i guess i just had enough of pain that i dun wanna face more scolding when i go for OPSY lessons.. i didn't read up you see.. so i won't be able to answer..

Anyway.. about the musical... IT'S FANTASTIC!!!!! everything was wonderful.. moving moments.. laughing moments.. just great!!! ALL SP STUDENTS! GET YOUR TICKETS MAN! It is definitely worth the money!!!

haha .. i was quite shock to know Timothy was in it.. Got the shock of my life man! He sang and act really well.. girls will be swaming to him after this man..

haha and bun ... well.. gothic is so not for you lor!!! The black lipstick gotta go man!!!! you need to fatter up.. can see your cheek bone le.. it must have been tough.. but guess what.. the whole training was worth it becoz it was fabulous! i really enjoyed myself..

Esther!!! the Goddess man!!! this babe can sing!!! she rockz man!!! powerhouse!!! darling... remember hor.. Movie hee =p

brandon!!! thank you so much!!!! so so much!!! if it wasn't for you we wouldn't have gotten great seats... great acting and great energy!! you can't get a better friend than this guy!!! always the best (n_n)

Love all of you tons =)

thank you.. thank you.. all i can say is thanks.. because you guys lighted up my dark moment.. and let me see him smile from the heart.. and that.. is something that can never be bought..

p.s Memories live in my heart 4ever.. i'll never give them up for anything.. though we are like tt now.. i choose to love the times we spend together as frenx..

pieces

2006-10-06T00:07:00.000+08:00

Went to class in a blur today... didn't get any sleep at all.. couldn't stop crying since the first lesson.. dun ask me why.. just couldn't do anything without thinking of "Matt"..

left class.. went to foodcourt.. no appeitte.. bought a bit of food.. couldn't finish for the first time.. went to get our drinks.. saw him.. he gave us the aweward look... turned away..

went back to our seats .. cried as we drink our drinks.. it was the worst time i had drinking.. ignored everyone as we left the foodcourt.. more crying beside the diagonal staircase.. like being trapped in my own cage.. i cried like no one is around.. all i can feel is the darkness in my life..

pushed myself to ITEC practical.. more crying in class.. went to the toilet several times to get tissue... wash off the tear marks.. but it seems everytime i do that.. i cry again.. how weak can i be .. at the end of practical .. i was tire from crying.. tot i would give myself a break and go home to sleep.. so i didnt go for JSPG practical..

reached home.. bathed.. laid on my bed.. couldn't sleep.. went to the living room.. and watch tv... more tears fall.. thoughts ran through my head.. his giggles.. his fun with us.. ruin.. by me.. if i had just take it that he is fine and not went to his house to ask him to stop acting in front of us.. we would have all been still friends.,. i put cara in this position.. it was my BRIGHT IDEA .. great choice ber! maybe trying to care is wrong.. maybe i am just busybody.. Hate me matt.. leave cara out of this.. dun do this to her.. ignore me.. i only need to see u guys happy.. thats all i wish for.. let me be the one who is miserable.. let me drown..

inflicting my hand on the walls.. i came up with some lame shit of how i hurt myself in a technical block with my friend to cover up for my bruises... hilarous isn't it? even my breakup wasn't half as torturing for me... i guess u nv know how much u value a person who is ard till u drove him away..

i just wanted the best for my friend.. maybe i should have just keep to my own shit.. fuck you ber! fuck u for making bad choices.. fuck you for ruining a great friendship .. fuck you for being a useless piece of crap... fuck you for not having the courage to take your own life

PIECES
mind in a blank...
as i sat in class,
i just stared..
no idea of the on going in my surrounding..

my heart feels so heavy..
its tire..
tire of romance..
tire of arguement..
tired of being sober..

who do you reach for when you're falling apart?
why do you blame God?
are you like me?
are you regretting your creation?

i know i am..
though beautiful life can be..
i see more pain than pleasure..
pain i brought to others
and the pain i brought to myself..
Jesus pinned on the cross for me..

sorry my lord..
it is meaningless for me..
i am not worthy of your greatness..

receive me my lord as you will
may i please leave here?
i do not wish to inflict more pain on others..
its mentally torturing for me
i'm of no use here..
i'm falling apart...
like a mirror shattered by thousands of stones..
i'm beyond piecing...

sorry my parents
sorry for attitude...
sorry i can't love you enough to try to live on..
spiritually.. i am already died...
lost my smile in the wilderness...
i am a another zombify human
just like every other people
Pursue my dreams?
ha! big joke darling
big joke

do we mean nothing to you?

2006-10-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

Never thought that my new post will be unhappy...
Somehow i have lost my smile at heart..

Today Cara and i tried to give Felix a surprise by singing happy birthday to him in class with a cake but in the end everyone just stared at us in awe.. so very embarassing..thats the first disappointment.. We really tot the class would have sang with us... well.. guess everyone is a little too stunned to do anything (>.<)

Than i met up with tommy today after school.. complete gentleman.. very nice guy.. but stupid jing wei pang seh us.. haix.. Than there is the cock up .. meet up with cheug seng than two way run.. big misunderstanding.. he go to dhoby gaut, we say meet somerset.. than later we ask him go cityhall.. but he go somerset find us.. he got so angry lor.. but luckily we managed to make him happy again hehe... so scare lor..just hate misunderstandings.. this is a summary of my day la.. but whats so sad? well.. let me just say i couldn't get THE TALK Cara and i had with matt *fake name.. u know who u r* out of my brain.. After seeing his blog.. i know i need to post this poem up... Never for a single moment have "how is matt doin.. is he ok?" left my mind.. haix.. just cannot sleep .. so might as well.. i don't know la. i can do nothing just cry lor i guess

Do we mean nothing to you
With hopes and Joy we came ahead.
With cold touches, we were greeted.
With words as ice, you asked us:
"Why are you here? i'm fine now"

But can't you see why we have come?
we just want no acting when you're in chains..
just let go, cry if you must..
scold us! beat us ! cry if you must..
at least we'll feel better, you will too..
We know your emotions and can comfort you..

there's no need for words..
no need for explanations..
just don't bottle up inside your shell..
Act and tell us you are fine..
cause we are friends.. we do know..
faking or not.. its clear and it shows..

i do understand you are protecting us..
From your cruel facts of your cruel past..
but as i said "Your cruel past"
It is the PAST.. Ended and passed..
so why hurt yourself as such?
Dun you know unconsciously you are hurting us?

A thousand knives twist and turn..
on our hearts they bleed and burn..
More than usual..
more than ever..
hiding urself doesn't protect us.. it Never..

So can you see it now?
Clearly and shiny now?
we hate it when u mask yourself
let us share your burden as well
it makes us feel better!
best favour u can help?
take care of yourself..

So my dear friend do you get it now?

top list

2006-09-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

People i wish to see on my special day
no specific order
-Lih Tre
-Alice
-Cara
-Zacf
- Amy
-kok kiong
- Eugene
-Sarah
- michelle
-yiyang
-chew ling
-YG
-the 2 doms
-jess
-naz
- grace
-Rj
-monique
-Alan
- steveo
- CJ
- jun long
- yong qiang
- louis
- shawn
- maple gang the ones i know
-gabriel
-jeffrey
-*ahem*
-jasmine
-alvin senior
-wan ting sotong
-kelvin gor
-brandon gor
-xuan mai gor
-yu hang gor
- kelvin & kelson
-iris, audrey
- peiching
- matthew
- bunz
-nut
-norain khan and boony
- the whole of siti gang ky, dj, ade, mao mao

List goes on... i guess i miss everyone! this post is for fun =p

16 Sep

2006-09-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

Wow! i hadn't updated my blog in 10 days? that long? haha well.. my com has been very lagging but till now i still dun understand why. So sorry guys =p Well.. as many of you would know... i have STM or rather.. SUPER STM.. so i can't update you on what i did for all the 10 days but what i can SEE i will tell you guys ok .. hee.. wondering y i said "what i can see"? haha coz i actually need my daily dairy to remind me.. haha i have it on my lap as i am typing LOL ! haha (n_n) well.. i am kinda a big sotong la. Anyways for those who really wanna know what i have been doing, here goes nothing!

oh by the way.. hee hadn't had time to edit my poems and write any new ones but tmr will ok! confirm!

7 sep'06
- no clue what i did (?_?)

8 sep'06
- woke up half dead at 7.30 went to meet cara, kwang yee and dj to go DHOBY GAUT to have MAC for BREAKFAST! See la! this bunch of frenz siao one lor!

- got to plaza sing and siti and mao mao already there! zzz half dead mode.. i went to say hi.. and lie on any space i can get on the table.
NO ADE boo hoo! ='( miss her lor..

- after breakfast, went to cathy to see Monsterhouse.. came out frozen and i mean FROZEN!

- went back to PS for starbuckz to use up the voucher we got.. than realise it can only be use at cathy (-.-''') CLEVER US

- drag our lazy bums to cathy, sit down, happily drink my frappunchino than watch show.. "a bunch of retarded sec school kid fighting " WOW! HOW AMUZING! haha !

- the asses(mao and siti) told me they all wanna go elsewhere . It was 11++AM! zzzzz

- ky, dj, cara and me went to went to MRT . Saw the new shopping heaven in there.. went in walk one round, ran into my ex-colleague, kenneth, he open shop there O.O stunned, we left.

- we went about doin our stuff. ky cut hair, cara sleep, DJ study, me? find mummy at boon lay, wait for daddy

- my smart daddy went to jurong! so Me and mummy had to go down to jurong unwilling to eat dinner..
SAW RAIN LOOK ALIKE! butttttttttttt he is cheena zzzzzzzzzzz

end of day Two! FOr more information plz see cara's blog hee hee =p

9 sep'06
-work

10 sep'06
-work
*see why i hadn't had time?*

11 sep'06
-ky came to my house to watch dvd. It was ok.. nothing special.

- at ard 4pm i went to meet Norain khan to have coffee... Stupid woman! always pops out suddenly. Brought ah boon with her. haha so falttered he took cab to see me haha ... they are still the mad couple i once knew..

- went to watch "devil wears prada" alright movie. dunno why norain screaming away... must be the brands!

- go home after that.

end of day five.. for more information check my memory bank coz i also dunno hahaha

12 sep'06
-work again zzz

13 sep'06
- go sentosa with Alan.
- nothing on that day... but nv get very tann sad

14 sep' 06
-spend my day cleaning up the house and my room

15 sep'06
- go school schedule my timetable.. fail 2 modules... EXPECTED
- go sentosa find angela.. no life right!
- it rained -.- we got stucked in the shelther half the time
- go walk the big brigde at palawan beach. go up the TAll tall tower... see nice nice view..
- go bugis.. eat breko and drank beer like nobody business.. kao! i can't believe i win angel over scissors paper stone.. LOL ... i suck at it normally haha..
- eat ice cream.. than went home.. Kanna force cannot take bus at dover -.-

16 sep'06
-you guessed it! work haha

my life is so boring! haha nothing much

Horrible day

2006-09-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

Hey guys.. sorry that i hadn't been updating my blog.. i've been really busy recently looking for a new job, working, interviews and getting some personal stuff done. However, what i did for the pass few days don't really matter.. lets talk about today.

it just couldn't have been a worst day. Everything, absolutely everything went wrong. First, Cara told me that she was having fever and we had already promised Sarah, my colleage, that we will all go East coast together. So i was thinking "nvm, i will go see cara, bring her some medicine and see how she is. if she isn't ok.. i will go with sarah myself." So i did. I got ready, went to buy porridge for that girl and made sure she eat her medicine after eating the porridge. Silly girl la.. nv take care of herself make me worried. 38.4 degrees la! Always tell her late sleep drink more water don't listen. Anyways, After consideration, i went to meet Sarah at toa payoh. Idiotic woman, ask me go till there don't wanna meet me at eunos.. -.- so sian la.. Luckily, i had my comic book and mp3 to entertain me. rushed like hell la.. didnt even have time to collect my one day pay at admiralty zzzzz... the most frustrating thing is she ask me hurry but when i got there, she was still home ROAR!!!!!! stupid right!!!! she scold me somemore!

ok.. so far still ok.. so we got on the bus to go to east coast right.. this woman suddenly everything also can suan. From drinking water to visiting the zoo.. everything she can blame me. Say what i never bring water for her, her off day only once a week i cannot even find time for her.. but i got other things also ma.. and its not like i count for her off day everytime right!!! Being so tired becoz i lack of sleep(mummy woke me up at 9am, i slept at 3am -.-) , i am already doing my part as a fren to fulfill my promise but don't know what the hell is wrong with her everything also dig out to argue. I was so Pek cek la! than she keep carrying on.. till i got so mad i call Cara up to complain. She took my phone and told cara i blame her for my own mistakes.. Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so anger i freaking took my phone and walked off.. This was all just the beginning.. i never quarrelled with her before lor.. than she today super idiotic.. nothing find thing to quarrel! somemore, i walk off she just let me be la.. frustrating a not! i sat under a block and let myself cool down. than i call and meet up with the woman again.. zzzz

i knew that something was goin to go very wrong today. And same as usual, my six sense served me well. Things really got worst.

where to i start?
1- Sarah went to the rocky sandy jetty where i fell and cut my hands coz she nv help me cross..
2-than she dunno what temper , suddenly shut up and black face (she ran into a bitch that used to be her good frn but hurt her really bad.. sound familiar ?)
3- i ended up crying at bedok jetty. Alone mind you!
4- wanted to let myself feel better by writting my black book, no pencil lead.. and i nv bring.. almost threw the pencil in the sea la >_<
5- when i was leaving the jetty, a little girl sudden ran across the path in front of me WITH A FISHING ROD! obviously, i was going very fast and couldnt brake in time. so i ended up being hooked and cut by the hooks.
No apology from the parents.. SOME MANNERS!

u can imagine how sian i was.. i really just wanted to go home. but my tummy reminded me i havent eaten at all since the morning.. so we grabbed food and bumped into Rina. This woman is my ex colleage.. working at satay stalls now. haha.. finally man! all bad things come to an end..

i was so beat up at the end of the day and i still have to drag myself home.. zz .. so now i am goin to go.. tire le...

But!!!!! before i go.. guys i will be posting new poems real soon.. they are changing in process.. i will try to get them ready asap k! =) take care guys

Quote of the day: "everyone has one of those days when everything goes wrong.. but remember it will end"

My true intentions

2006-08-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

Here is my recent poems.. for my old poems please visit my old friendster blog

My true intentions
i scold you, because i don't wanna give you hope.
i don't wanna give you hope, becoz i know i will hurt you again.
i don't let you enter my life for the very same reason.
i don't know if what we had was true,
but believe me when i say i did try to love you.

forgive me for my cruel ways. For i cannot find a way to face you again.
i still hurt deeply inside and i try very hard to hide
i know we are from different worlds
i know you are too good for me.
too good for me to your girl.
i don't deserve you as someone else does
i am a bitch and a slut.

i may be a horrible person, i do not know.
i know nothing now, i need someone to hold.
maybe i don't deserve a moment of peace..
i'm going to hell.. i'm prepared..
i don't deserve love. ya that should be fair.
you might as well kill me right now.
so i can suffer in hell..
if it delights you i'll do it myself
put a gun through my heart of realms
a realm of sadness and pain
a realm of darkness and freight
i am a bad person, now i see..
somebody please make me bleed..
i wanna see the pool of red..
maybe then, i will be reborn again.

written on 16 aug 06
"this may be a little too deep.... well.. when u r emo u think dark hehe"

My clueless guardian angel
whenever i'm sad, you comfort me..
whenever i'm despair, you give me hope..
in every cloudy sky, you bring a stream of light..
and without fail, it lights up my life.

When i see you, my troubles disappear..My days turn from cloudy to clear...you have no clue what you've done for me..you stay as clueless as can be...but you fill me with energy!Charging me to hyper active!

Without you there'll be no smiles.
thank you my angel, how are you now?

written on 16 aug 06
"to someone special.."

Prayer
As i sat on the bus, it turned to a familiar road.
a road which has a trace of u passing by..
unconsciously, i prayed
praying for your appearance again.

praying for a chance to have a glimpse of u.
praying for you to be fine..
wondering what you are doing at that moment.

to say i don't miss you is a lie..
all my mind will know that's a lie..
i keep it to myself almost every second
the missing of you and sadness of that..

but thinking back of the little things
tiny things you don't notice.
i remember so deep at heart, every tiny details
i smile back so sweetly as i never did for a long while
i hope you are fine and doing well now.

My extended friend do you know of my presence?
what am i to you?
a fren or a stranger?
truelly it doesn't matter..

becoz i have enough happiness laying in the darkness (n_n)

written on 29 aug 06

to louis

2006-08-30T00:59:00.000+08:00

Today i went out with Shawn, Cara, Jean and Ser. I was very tired as i only had a few hours of sleep. Hee.. Chionged "er mo zai shen bian" till 5.30am. Kinda crazy haha.. well.. anyway.. we didn't do anything out of the ordinary except shop for Marisa's present.

Gosh.. i feel so bad i can't get her anything becoz i am so damn broke. Anyway's ... we went back to our slacking routine.. but today was a day of eating! After we left the place where we buy Marisa's gift *sh.. cannot say where or else she will know her gift =p* we went to pizzahut where Shawn, cara n jean had their dinner.

i didn't eat anything becoz i don't have that much cash. so i just sat there and drool.... *drool =,,,* haha .. when we were done it was like 4++pm and ser still haven't make her way there so we decided to find her. i was pretty excited coz i had heard of her but had never seen her in person. Well.. come to think of it, i still don't know a lot of their maple friends yet.. takes some time i guess. =) i believe eventually i will. Correct cara? haha

So we headed towards coffee bean to find ser.. and at first look i was like "thats her! KAWAII!!!!" haha of course, my reaction wasn't that big.. it was just in my head. So.. we went up say hi and i got to talk to her a little as we proceed to cineleisure. When we reached heerens she said she need to take money.. so she did.. but when she was taking out money.. i kept acting like i wanna rob her.. pretty dumb.. and than Cara and me was like self highing again.. "havast sack ready? i jump and grab her..u take the money ok?" haha Lame right! haha there was lots of laughter when we cross the road to cine than suddenly, i stopped... i saw jay, my ex-bf, smoking outside. i really don't know how to face him.. so i just lower my head and passed.. i know it hurts but i rather he hate me.. i let him down so bad.. hiaz.. as we did so, Cara said sorry. but i told her its ok and that i am fine. so we went back to what we were saying and don't know y.. we ended hitting our heads together! Man that hurt... haha sotongz! haha..

we went to Yoshinoya... i almost pengz la! Eat again! haha i didn't wanna drool and see Ser eat this time .. coz i was getting hungry.. so i painfully dug out my cash and buy myself a meal.. 20-4 = $16 left for a month.. but it was a nice meal. We sat there and rot as we normally do.. so we chat... and the topics flow from relationships, to the gays that r appearing even so much more often, to playing the drums, to giving my computers names "my one's zac". haha.. all i can say after the chat is it was so hilarious. We parted shortly and cara and i wandered around like ghost again haha..

so we went to heerens, don't know for the number what trillion times in this month. Howerver this time was a little different becoz cara bought the flesh imp jacket which she has been staring at for ages "FINALLY MAN!" haha.. than we wander, than we think of louis, than we call him.

haha this seems to be a standard procedure.. so we went to bugis.. supposingly, we were going to buy the soft toy keychain.. but when louis arrived, we went to accompany him eat, than we forgot totally about it. >>> realise something? eat again<<< sia ="x">blah blah blah.. we went to esplanade and ran into felix with his gf.. pretty hot.. intro dah dah dah dah..we went to the merlion and sat down.

We chat and came to the topic of Family. Louis was talking about some private things that are happening in his family. erm.. i see the link for your liking for the song "unfaithful".

Lou i don't know if u will read this but.. i truelly feel happy for you that you had grown up so mature despite all the things that you have been through.

the msg all my friends that have family crisis, don't blame yourself or push the responsibility to yourself becoz really, when it comes to the adult's world, we have little that we can do. We can only try of ways to protect ourselves and hope for the best

msg to lou.. its never healthy to keep everything inside.. we both wish you will share ur problems with us. We know there is little we can do to help but at least we can hear u out.. let us to do that.. coz we are good friends..

as for those who don't have family crisis, always treasure ur family becoz u don't know how lucky you are.

to louis only: i know this may sound weird but i really thank you for telling me the things about your family. Letting me be able to know you a bit better and worry about you. thats what friends does. what you say has a impact. you made me realise how strong you r and how lucky i am to have a family. I wanna remind you. You too have a family that will never forsake you thats me and cara. We will always be there and we will do our best to help you. This is my promise to you.

quoteof the day:Life isn't always a bed of roses but through darkness there will be light and when u reach the end of the rainbow, you will see the beauty of the darkness you have passed

Freaking Shitty Day

2006-08-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

Today was so sian.. Becoz i have no money .. so cant go out.. so i was like "k i go cara house".. actually was like happily thinking can watch my korean drama "i love jing sung" which i had been waiting for so bloody long! Than Guess what! My uncle borrowed it out!!!

i am so freaking angry la!!! i booked with my Auntie a few weeks ago le lor .. than when she not in Singapore my uncle just go borrow it out without asking!!!! Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somemore he go give me the stern face say i can borrow the other Vcds!!!!! I Would expect a SORRY lor!

i just can't stand it! Sometimes adults are just so unfair. They think that just because they are older they don't have to apologise for their mistakes.. Somemore i just realise i only have 20 bucks to last me till the 10th or the 30th of september.. which makes my mood even worst! i wanna go out so bad.. i can only enjoy for this week and i have to work.. and my in charged is not even planning to give me extra shifts! !@#$%^&*!@#$%

argh.. this is just horrible la! no money no job = no play = no life.. suck! i end up abandoning my msn just now and play online arcade games.. zzzzzzz .. life doesn't get any more boring.... than i asked Gary for Dota which is taking forever to transfer! ah ya! i go read death note le la!!!!! sucky!

quote of the day: Adults are unfair! be sure when u grow up.. apologise for ur mistakes!

Boring Sunday

2006-08-27T17:54:00.000+08:00

Nothing much today. Am sitting at my Granny house once again. Today i slept till really late but i managed to get up in time just for my brother's soka family gathering. He was still snoozing away when i was done preparing, so i figured.. well.. i must as well online a while.. so i did and i talked to kok kiong a little till it was 1pm. Than i woke up my bro. He was like "huh! one like ah *yawnz*". He has always been a hardcore sleeper =.= how i wish i can be like him. God! I forever like not enough sleep one la.. coz my brain clock will automatically wake me up. =.=

Anyways.. we went ahead to take the bus to his gathering.. on the way, there was very little talking coz he continued to snooze on the bus PIG! Hmm .. thats his zodiac.. how closely related!=x so i just carry on msging ky lor.. bothering him and stuff..

when we finally reached there, i was greeted with friendly faces.. it was kinda like church ma.. but my brother always insist its different. ya the teachings la.. in terms.. it is different.. but now a days .. i also nv go church so no diff.. i kinda have my doubt about God.. i believe more in the things i can control.. in my personal strength.. there are so much contradiction in the society.. you can't blame me for not wanting to have a religion agreed?

Carrying on.. i was shock to know that Orlando Bloom and Jeff Wang were all believers of Soka. There were like pictures of Orlando bloom greeting the sensei.. suddenly i miss my Guru.. nv was very close with him but he was always a comforting face to greet every yr. Sadly he died..

So.. over the gathering, i was entertained with dances,testimonials of an amazing recovery and videos of Jeff and some other artist tellin us abt the faith and their own faith.. Soka is actually a association take believes in value of life and education and self will .. kinda like free thinker's thinking.. just that they learn from sensei's teachings and wise words.. i did have a deeper understanding of my bro's faith but i think for now i still wanna stay a free thinker.. it isn't so stressful. i mean i have enough rubbish in my life to deal with.. i do not wanna bind myself with faith.

So yup. thats my boring sunday, i came straight from there to granny's house... i think i would just laze around, read my comic and online today =) hope every one enjoys themselves today..

quote of the day: personal time is important.. it keeps u going

GREAT DAY! FIRST POST!

2006-08-27T01:53:00.000+08:00

wow.. nothing gets better than this. I am now sitting in my room typing my first post and i had a fantastic day! All thanks to Cara, i finally have my own proper blog! (n_n) How exciting! haha i am pretty much of a navigation nerd so there is still a lot that i will change about my blog once i figure this thing out. It's just all so new to me. Guess i have been using Friendster blog too long huh... =p i know it bothered a lot of my friends with the e-mails, but i just needed somewhere to speak before i got my proper blog and post my poems.

So here goes nothing hehe... today i got woken up by my cuzin's msg at around 9.30am.. Gosh! i was so turned off as i had spent the last night folding straw stars for ky till very late. 100 stars not easy know! My fingers had all became blue black and swelled up it hurt a lot. I didn't get much done as u would expect... but i actually fell asleep with all the straws. haha How Dumb.. Anyways.. the first thing i did when i got up was to Yup! u guessed it! Fold stars! haha i was obess with getting it done.. becoz i still have another 20 to go.

so i did it when i was eating, watching tv and even when i went to westmall to buy the bottle. crazy huh! well.. when i got to west mall everything was kinda crazy there too.. all squeezy and a lot of people were screaming. I had totally no idea the singapore idols were coming la... if i knew i wouldn't have gone there.. super sian 1/2 lor.. i just got my stuff and came right out! Never really liked this kinda places..

when i did, i went to yew tee to find cara and accompany her to get her POSB Atm Card.. Still happily folding away.. hehe =p how bo liao can i get right? well.... it worth it.. thats how i feel.. Yawning as i proceed to wait for the slow poke to come down from her house.. finally she appeared! I thought she was gonna take forever man.. Phew! haha.. So we went to the bank after that..

Oh Fantastic! It closes at 11am we stare at each other blankly and the "what the.." face came out instantly... i was relying on the cab fare i borrowed her the previous night for the outing today, and she, needed to draw money for the outing.. We were stuck.. we had been looking forward to the outing all day and now this?! You gotta be joking man!

so grumbling, we went back to cara's house trying to figure out a way that we can both go to the outing while i continue to make ky's present. I was desperately looking for my family members to borrow money and cara was hoping her bro will come back qquickly so she wont need to use her piggybank money and that she can return me. Than *bing* uncle came home!

A glimse of hope! Shocked as we r, we were really glad.. so all things took a better turn and we could both go...blah blah blah.. we met up with ky, ade and her bro and we took the bus to ngee ann shopping centre to meet the others.. Gosh it was great to see everyone.. Ade was still the same.. as lovable and sweet, and dj, mao sheng , siti was still the same too.. We had tons of fun chatting and playing while eating seoul garden.. Stuffed! thats the only word i can describe.. by the time we were done it was 9++ so we figured: "hey lets take pictures!" but we couldnt come to a conclusion of where to go and we ended taking silly pictures outside taka =.= with camera PHONE! dots... we can't get any lamer.. than as usual, we wandered and kept asking where should we go.. expected!O.O everytime come out with big group its like that... o.O ended up, ade, mao, siti go home and me, cara, dj, ky go batok drink and talk.. *FYI: not drink liquoer k* It was pretty nice, sitting outside cheers and just chilling.. there was lots of laughters and recalling of the good old days! =/ hmm now i sound old.. anyways.. we talked till 1++ before we left and go home.. it was such a hard departure.. we were just talking no end man.. conclusion! i had a really Really great day! i love you guys! Secondary school would have nv been fun without u all =)